Do What She Needs: Visiting Teaching reimagined.
I love the Church--the organization that is the scaffolding for the gospel of Jesus Christ here on earth. I love its programs and its people. Of all the programs, there isn't one I love much more than visiting teaching, especially with the new changes happening this year. I am blessed to be able to share my thoughts on visiting teaching in a series of online articles on LDSLIving.com and in a print article in the LDS Living magazine. I'll post them here as they go live. I hope you take a moment to read it. Visiting teaching is a powerful way we can grow closer to the Savior as we see to the needs of each other.
Do What She Needs: An Amazing Change to Visiting Teaching
March 23, 2018
I stood in front of the Relief Society room and scanned the 50 women who sat before me. As the stake Relief Society president, I’d been asked to visit the ward and speak about the changes in visiting teaching that would commence in January of 2018. I smiled wide and said, “Thank you for not leaving when you realized this lesson was about visiting teaching.” The comment was made mostly in jest, but there was some truth to it.
Visiting teaching. Speak those two words in any Relief Society gathering and it will evoke a myriad of conflicting emotions. Joy. Guilt. Gratitude. Annoyance. Peace. Guilt. Excitement. Frustration. Love. Guilt. Some love the watchcare program set forth nearly two hundred years ago. Others, not so much. And most, whether you love it or not, have guilt associated with it. Because that’s what we women do. When we don’t live up to the expectations of ourselves or others, we feel guilty.
So, first let me tell you what I told this group of wonderful women: this is a firm "No Guilt" zone. It doesn’t matter if you had 100% visiting teaching or have refused a route in the past. We are not going to dwell on how you think you should have done visiting teaching all these years, or how you think you should have felt about it or your companions or assigned sisters. We are going to put the bats of guilt down here and now and look ahead. This is not about the past. Because visiting teaching is changing. And so, in turn, are we.
In October of 2017, the newly called General Relief Society Presidency announced a major shift in visiting teaching. Sister Jean B. Bingham, the General President of the Relief Society, said, “We want to help sisters understand how to really care for and strengthen each sister. The (Church) handbook doesn’t talk about our responsibilities to teach a lesson. It talks about how ‘visiting teachers sincerely come to know and love each sister, help her strengthen her faith and give service.’ (Handbook 2, 9.5.1)” Sister Reyna I. Aburto, the Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency added that it “can be as simple as listening with love” (Presidency, 2017).
Visiting teaching is moving away from our monthly scheduled visits in which we share a message from the Ensign or Liahona. In the same interview, Sister Sharon Eubanks, First Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, posed a question: “What are we supposed to do?” Her answer was simple, yet profound. “Do what she needs.”
Do what she needs.
Visiting teaching has always been about helping our sisters with their spiritual and temporal needs. It has been the watchcare program for the sisters of the church since the organization of the Relief Society under the Priesthood through Joseph Smith in March of 1842. He said the organized efforts of the sisters was “not only to relieve the poor, but to save souls” (Snow). And it has been about saving souls since.
Change is not new to Relief Society. The focus and format of Relief Society and visiting teaching have changed somewhat over the years. At their inception, the sisters went about seeing to the temporal and emotional needs of the members during the construction of the Nauvoo Temple. In 1916 visiting teachers were asked to also share a spiritual message. In 1923, uniform monthly messages were provided for all visiting teachers. In 1944, the Relief Society’s responsibilities to collect donations was changed, and visiting teacher’s roles became more spiritually focused (Daughter's in My Kingdom, 2011, 2017). Though focus and format have changed in the nearly 200 years since its conception, the purpose has remained the same: to save souls.
For almost 100 years visiting teachers have gone by twos into sisters’ homes to share a monthly message. It’s what visiting teaching was. Something you “do.” Just the other day I overheard two older ladies in church. Sister One said, “It’s the middle of January and we really need to do our visiting teaching. Do you want to call and make the appointments or give the message?” Sister Two thoughtfully replied, “You call. I’ll give the message. Just let me know what time you set up.” Sister One nods and heads off with purposeful strides.
This had been a conversation I’ve had many times with past companions. I’m sure it’s a conversation held by most visiting teachers. Divide and conquer! Set the appointment. Teach a lesson. And check visiting teaching off our list!
But, visiting teaching isn’t something we do. Visiting teachers are who we are.
I feel like, with this change, we have graduated from the Mosaic Law of ministering to a higher law. We no longer have a message to share on the monthly visit to a sister’s home. The new format helps sisters to stop focusing on “what counts” as visiting teaching and encourages them to focus more on the sisters they visit teach. Sister Bingham said, “Since each of us is unique, each sister will need something different. . . That’s the focus—we want to make sure that we are strengthening sisters in the gospel and each sister feels valued, needed, and included” (Presidency, 2017).
Visiting teaching. Speak those two words in any Relief Society gathering and it will evoke a myriad of conflicting emotions. Joy. Guilt. Gratitude. Annoyance. Peace. Guilt. Excitement. Frustration. Love. Guilt. Some love the watchcare program set forth nearly two hundred years ago. Others, not so much. And most, whether you love it or not, have guilt associated with it. Because that’s what we women do. When we don’t live up to the expectations of ourselves or others, we feel guilty.
So, first let me tell you what I told this group of wonderful women: this is a firm "No Guilt" zone. It doesn’t matter if you had 100% visiting teaching or have refused a route in the past. We are not going to dwell on how you think you should have done visiting teaching all these years, or how you think you should have felt about it or your companions or assigned sisters. We are going to put the bats of guilt down here and now and look ahead. This is not about the past. Because visiting teaching is changing. And so, in turn, are we.
In October of 2017, the newly called General Relief Society Presidency announced a major shift in visiting teaching. Sister Jean B. Bingham, the General President of the Relief Society, said, “We want to help sisters understand how to really care for and strengthen each sister. The (Church) handbook doesn’t talk about our responsibilities to teach a lesson. It talks about how ‘visiting teachers sincerely come to know and love each sister, help her strengthen her faith and give service.’ (Handbook 2, 9.5.1)” Sister Reyna I. Aburto, the Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency added that it “can be as simple as listening with love” (Presidency, 2017).
Visiting teaching is moving away from our monthly scheduled visits in which we share a message from the Ensign or Liahona. In the same interview, Sister Sharon Eubanks, First Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, posed a question: “What are we supposed to do?” Her answer was simple, yet profound. “Do what she needs.”
Do what she needs.
Visiting teaching has always been about helping our sisters with their spiritual and temporal needs. It has been the watchcare program for the sisters of the church since the organization of the Relief Society under the Priesthood through Joseph Smith in March of 1842. He said the organized efforts of the sisters was “not only to relieve the poor, but to save souls” (Snow). And it has been about saving souls since.
Change is not new to Relief Society. The focus and format of Relief Society and visiting teaching have changed somewhat over the years. At their inception, the sisters went about seeing to the temporal and emotional needs of the members during the construction of the Nauvoo Temple. In 1916 visiting teachers were asked to also share a spiritual message. In 1923, uniform monthly messages were provided for all visiting teachers. In 1944, the Relief Society’s responsibilities to collect donations was changed, and visiting teacher’s roles became more spiritually focused (Daughter's in My Kingdom, 2011, 2017). Though focus and format have changed in the nearly 200 years since its conception, the purpose has remained the same: to save souls.
For almost 100 years visiting teachers have gone by twos into sisters’ homes to share a monthly message. It’s what visiting teaching was. Something you “do.” Just the other day I overheard two older ladies in church. Sister One said, “It’s the middle of January and we really need to do our visiting teaching. Do you want to call and make the appointments or give the message?” Sister Two thoughtfully replied, “You call. I’ll give the message. Just let me know what time you set up.” Sister One nods and heads off with purposeful strides.
This had been a conversation I’ve had many times with past companions. I’m sure it’s a conversation held by most visiting teachers. Divide and conquer! Set the appointment. Teach a lesson. And check visiting teaching off our list!
But, visiting teaching isn’t something we do. Visiting teachers are who we are.
I feel like, with this change, we have graduated from the Mosaic Law of ministering to a higher law. We no longer have a message to share on the monthly visit to a sister’s home. The new format helps sisters to stop focusing on “what counts” as visiting teaching and encourages them to focus more on the sisters they visit teach. Sister Bingham said, “Since each of us is unique, each sister will need something different. . . That’s the focus—we want to make sure that we are strengthening sisters in the gospel and each sister feels valued, needed, and included” (Presidency, 2017).